Don’t Expect People to Always be There for You.
I’ve been studying to be a life coach recently and I’ve learned a lot of new stuff, which is why I have not been posting so much lately. There is one thing that I would like to talk about today which the course covers, and it’s also something that I have heard before. And that is when people expect other people to be there for them. On a larger level it’s also the expectation that their friends will always remain friends.
People change, people grow out of what they once were and because of this people out grow their friends. Everyone changes as change is inevitable, you may embrace it or you may hate it, but that doesn’t matter, because in the end change happens either way.
It’s just how life works. Because some people have the core value of progress. They strive for progress in their lives and for the simple fact that you are reading this on this website, I’m going to assume one of your core values, is also progress. You want to become more than you currently are. The reasons for this could be many. You may want to make progress because it’s challenging, which adds variety to your life. Or it could be to have more freedom which the extra money could help bring. But whatever the reason is, with progress life changes.
With the life change you may very well out grow your friends. Or those who are around you. People look to those who are like them, unless they are looking for a mentor of some sort. If your friends are content with what they have, which I would like to point out does not mean you are better than them, if they are content then good for them, but what it does mean is their values are completely different to yours. You are not the same and you may find those friends telling you that.
If they do happen to mention it, you can sure as hell bet that they don’t like the change. You may find this a bit of negative to having the core value of progress. But everyone moves on and people only like those who can give them something. In the circumstances of true friends, that something will be a piece of value to their lives. But the value that you give which maybe your hobbies, could change with progress and that will mean, you won’t be giving that friend any value. No value equals nothing given. Which means no interest and in the long term that means no friendship.
Of course as you progress you will add value to other people’s lives. Friends come friends go, for those who stick around well they are the ones who still value you and you value them. In some way even though you have progressed in your lives, you still add value to their lives and they’ve continued to add value to yours. Probably because one of their core values is progress, so their thinking continues to be aligned with yours.
This has affected my life. When I was a teenanger, I was quite an angry guy, one who would get into numerous fights, I was into getting drunk etc and hanging about in big groups with people who were mostly into similar things and Definetely Rock music. But over time I began to change, I got more interested in making a family followed by positive thinking. And until recently I always wondered why all those people who I thought were my friends, did not stay in touch. No phonecalls not even a text. It’s only recently I have began to understand that they didn’t remain in contact, simply because both them and myself changed.
It’s just how life works. It’s progress. In the same way that you out grow things like your clothes, you may very well out grow your friends. Right now you may be thinking to yourself, why chase progress and risk losing a friend? Well if you don’t chase progress when it is part of you and one of your core values then you are being false. You are not being yourself and you definitely are not being authentic. So you will become agitated and angry. Which may result in you losing your friend anyway. Also your friend may make progress themselves and out grow you.
The point of this post is not to scare you from progress, but to make you aware that nothing can last forever. Everything and everyone changes. The biggest gift you can give anyone is to always be your authentic self. If they don’t like you, then it’s time to move on and continue with your progress regardless.